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Moving away from our elderly parents is always a tough decision. We can’t help but feel guilty, even when our reasons are valid. However, is it truly okay to move away from our elderly parents?
Moving away from elderly parents is okay if your reasons for doing so are honest, valid, and the last resort – most parents will understand. However, you shouldn’t just leave your parents without some form of care and support. This will help the parents and reduce the guilt you might be feeling.
There are some situations when moving away from your elderly parents is completely okay. So read on to see what those situations are. Additionally, I’ll provide some tips on how to lose that guilt that just won’t leave us alone.
When Is It Okay To Move Away From Our Elderly Parents?
It’s not easy to move away from our parents; we may even think we’re making the wrong decision to do so. However, there are situations where it’s alright to do so. Let’s take a look at these instances.
If the Parents Are Well Situated
Let’s be honest, we want to be there for our parents to help them with anything they need, and in most cases, that refers to financial support if the parents need it. However, our parents were our age once, working and earning just like we do. Because of that, most parents are well-situated financially.
In that case, it’s completely okay if you want to move away in pursuit of a better job offer. I’m sure your parents would understand.
When elderly people are well-situated, they rely less on their children for support, which is a huge relief for both parents and children.
If They’re Fine With the Decision
What usually happens is that we create a whole scenario in our heads of breaking the news to our parents about moving away. We immediately imagine them as shocked or concerned. Naturally, we start feeling guilty and can’t sleep for days.
However, most parents will understand that it’s your life or that you simply have to relocate because of work. Parents are usually supportive of our decisions, so just having an open conversation is the way to go.
If There Are Other Siblings Around
Having siblings can be stressful or annoying when we’re kids, but they do come in handy as adults.
All jokes aside, some siblings are usually fine with living close to their parents and taking good care of them. Especially as we ourselves are getting older – we just want to be close to our family members.
If It’s for a Good Reason
A job is generally the number one reason people move to new places, be it a new one or a better position in the old job. Additionally, we can all agree that this is a valid reason for moving away, even from our elderly parents. After all, we must think about our place in the world and about our own children.
However, there are some people who want to move away from their parents for no reason at all or simply because they want to be closer to their acquaintances. Those are valid reasons for moving, but they might not be the best option if your elderly parents need you more than your acquaintances.
If They’re Looked After
Okay, so what if you have to move away from your elderly parents because of a job, but you don’t have any siblings to take care of your parents? In those situations, professional help is the best option.
I’ll write about this point later, but for now, you should know that professional help is completely fine because they’re trained to take care of elders. Also, they’ll keep your parents company while you’re away.
How To Lose the Feeling of Guilt for Moving Away From Your Parents?
Even when the reason for moving away is justified, we will most likely harbor feelings of guilt about not wanting to live with elderly parents. So how do we deal with such feelings? Is It Bad to Not Want an Elderly Parent to Live With You?
Remember Moving Away Is Something You Don’t Want but Need To Do
The number one reason we feel guilty about moving away from our elderly parents is that we often think it’s something we want to do. In those situations, we start thinking, “Well, I might stay here. True, I’ll have a lower salary, but I’ll be with my parents.”
However, there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious or wanting more money for your family. Sometimes, it just needs to be done. The great thing is that our parents will understand and support us.
Find Suitable Help if Necessary
Here’s what you could do for your elderly parents if you need professional help in taking care of them:
- Assisted Living: In this case, elderly parents are given whole-day care and assistance with everyday tasks, meals, and medications. The care is more individually based.
- Professional family caregivers: They are trained professionals who provide any assistance at home and not in a facility.
- Retirement homes: Are similar to assisted living, but the care in retirement homes is less individualized. Instead, it’s focused on assisting with only some tasks.
Prepare Your Elderly Parents’ Home
One great way you can reduce the feeling of guilt is by making sure that your elderly parents live in a safe home. Luckily, we’re living in an age when you can buy anything in a few clicks.
Here are some products I’d recommend that you can buy online. The first product is the SECRUI Door and Window Alarm (available on Amazon.com). This alarm is super easy to install and has four alarm options.
The second product is the SDNBHT Handrail for Outdoor Steps (available on Amazon.com). This handrail is perfect for the elderly who are having trouble with stairs. Plus, it’s easy to mount it.
The next product that’s perfect for your elderly parents is Drive Medical’s Folding Walker (available on Amazon.com). This aluminum walker comes with wheels and is foldable, so your parents won’t have to worry about finding a place for it.
The last product I’d recommend is OasisSpace Toilet Safety Rail (available on Amazon.com). This toilet rail is adjustable, lightweight, and won’t slip because of its non-slip tips.
Include Your Parent in Your Life as Much as You Can
In most cases, even after moving away from your elderly parents, you can still see them often. A few hours of driving once in a while isn’t the worst thing in the world. Plus, you can always make it a memorable trip for the entire family.
On the other hand, you can bring your parents to your place from time to time, that’ll be a nice change for them also.
Finally, technology allows us to communicate with our loved ones no matter how far we are from each other.
If you do decide to move away from your elderly parents, you should deliver the news gently. I discuss how in another article. How to Gently Tell Your Parents Any Bad News
Conclusion
Sometimes, moving away from our elderly parents feels like a crime, even though there’s nothing wrong with it. In most cases, our parents will understand it. Just remember that professional help is a great way to keep your parents safe and not alone if you have to move and you don’t have siblings.
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