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Breaking bad news to parents has never been easy. I struggled with the same when I was a teen, and now that my parents are aging, it’s even harder. My aging parents are in their late eighties, and I discovered that their reaction to bad news depends on how I deliver it.
To gently tell your parents any bad news, you have to ensure the timing is right and that they are comfortable. You should also practice your speech, speak clearly, and anticipate their reaction, so you are ready for it. Whenever possible, have a professional caregiver at hand for support.
Chronic illnesses like hypertension, heart disease, and diabetes make breaking bad news to aging parents even more complex. In this article, I’ll give a step-by-step guide on preparing and giving bad news while considering the effect it will have on your parents.
1. Talk to Their Doctor
Breaking bad news to senior parents sometimes feels like walking on eggshells. You worry about the news affecting their health and worsening their situation. At the same time, you cannot keep the bad news from them because they need to know.
If your senior parents are in poor health, you can start by talking to their doctor. Find out possible scenarios of what could happen when you break the news. Besides enlightening you, the doctor may also offer reassurance that your parents are not as fragile as they look. They may be able to handle the news, and you might be getting worked up over nothing.
However, it doesn’t hurt to be sure. If the doctor has concerns, ask him how best to break the news with minimal risks to your senior parents’ health. He may recommend the presence of a health professional should their health be put at risk due to shocking news.
2. Think Through the News
Sometimes, the problem is not the bad news but how you convey it. If your senior parents feel tension radiating from you, they may start panicking over the news they are yet to receive. Before you approach your parents, you should first compose yourself.
Think through the news you are about to deliver and prepare for the conversation you are about to have. Here are some helpful suggestions:
- Write down the details. You don’t want to be incoherent because this can confuse your senior parents, especially if they have dementia.
- Think of possible questions they might ask and the answers you will give. Your answers should shed more light and possibly offer reassurance.
- Go through the information you have written with a friend. This will help you clarify your thoughts and be more prepared to face your elderly parents.
- Practice your speech to ease your nerves. If you say the bad news a few times out loud, you’ll be calmer when you speak to your parents.
- Find ways to communicate effectively. For example, instead of asking open-ended questions, structure them in a way that your parents can give a yes or no response.
- Use names instead of she, he, or they when talking about people. You should also call your parents by the names they prefer. This way, they will remain attentive, knowing you are talking to them and the message is directed at them.
- Keep the conversation short. Older adults have a short attention span, so you should break the news quickly once you get their attention.
3. Pick the Best Place To Break the News
The setting also matters when it comes to delivering bad news. Instead of relaying unpleasant news in the street, a restaurant, or hospital, consider doing it where your parents will be most comfortable.
Most elderly people find comfort in their homes. They cherish the memories they have created here and are likely to be more receptive to bad news in this familiar area. You can also pick their favorite spot. For example, if they find the garden calming, sit with them here when you break the news.
Nonetheless, if your parents are in hospital and you have no choice regarding location, look for a private space to have this conversation.
This video offers tips on how to gently break bad news to aging parents:
4. Choose the Best Time
You should also pick the best time to deliver bad news. Once you get the news, you may be tempted to break it immediately. However, sometimes the timing may be wrong for your senior parents.
For example, it may be best to wait for them to eat and possibly take their medication before delivering awful news.
5. Hold Their Hands While Speaking
The human touch is calming during good and bad times. When breaking bad news to your parents, you should consider holding their hands as you speak. This is one way to help them take in the news. It is also a form of non-verbal communication expressing support, shows them you are with them, and that you share their pain.
6. Use Comforting Language
Before you speak, ensure to use comforting words to accompany the bad news. For example, you may say, “I’m afraid I have some bad news”, or “I need to discuss something important with you”. This shows you are equally affected by the news you are about to share, which can be reassuring to your senior parents.
7. Give Them Time To React to the News
Once you break the news, give your parents time to absorb it, People react differently to bad news. Your parents may get angry, they may start crying, or they might have more questions. Be ready for any reaction. If they have questions, answer them gently and as honestly as possible.
Your parents may also prefer to walk away so as to take in the news. Hence, ensure they have everything they will possibly need, including a walker, within easy reach.
This Drive Medical 2-button Folding Walker (available on Amazon.com) is something handy to have closeby, especially if your senior parents need support when walking. It has wheels, and the rolling feature can be controlled with fingers, palms, or the side of the hand. It is also sturdy, safe, and easy to operate.
8. Reassure Your Parents
Reassurance is one way to reduce the bad news’ impact on your senior parents. Despite how terrible the news might be, always follow it up with reassurance. For instance, if you inform your elderly parents of the death of a loved one, also let them know you are there for them and that you will get through it together. This way, even though they are saddened by the news, your reassurance will comfort them.
Conclusion
The task of breaking dreadful news to your parents is a heavy one. You may be forced to manage your emotions for their sake. Your parents may also be taking cues from you on how to react to the news because they are concerned about how the news affects you.
If you take time to absorb the news, you’ll have an easier time conveying the same. If necessary, get a support system to reduce the burden of breaking the bad news.
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