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There are plenty of benefits to living with elderly parents, such as letting them establish a strong connection with your kids while you go to the office. However, it can be challenging when they live by themselves, especially when age-related health conditions set in. Although they might refuse your help, it’s important to pay attention to their situation.
You will know when to intervene with your elderly parents after visiting their home and finding unusual behaviors, such as mood swings, a change in cleaning habits, and a loss of interest in their usual hobbies. Weight loss or weight gain and forgetfulness are also signs that you need to step in.
Further in the article, I will explain what signs to look out for when trying to figure out when to intervene in your elderly parents’ life. I will also share some tips on how to help them accept your help or suggestions.
1. Watch Out for Sudden Shifts in Mood
Every person has a distinct personality. As an adult child living with your parents for more or less half of your life, you most likely already have a sound grasp on their personalities. So a sudden change in their behavior or dramatic mood swings can indicate an underlying issue.
As people age, it’s natural to gradually lose some healthy cells, making us more susceptible to diseases and other health-related conditions.
The same thing happens to the human brain. The brain cells eventually die or diminish in function. It can happen sooner to some people than others and manifest differently, depending on which region of the brain is affected.
Therefore, not all elderly parents will show similar signs, so it helps to pay attention to the changes in your parents’ personalities.
Here are some changes in behavior to watch out for:
Irritability
Suppose your parent used to be calm and suddenly became irritable for no apparent reason. In that case, it could be a sign of dementia. Some elderly people can even become verbally abusive or violent.
However, that shouldn’t make their families feel like they’re bad people. Although it can be challenging for family members to accept or manage, such a situation is beyond the elderly parent’s control.
Your parent may demand you stay out of their sight or leave them alone. While it can be tempting to do so given the frustrating situation, you must take it as a sign that it’s time you intervened.
However, be careful not to force your opinions on them, as they might end up hurting you or themselves. You can try to observe their behavior and see what puts them in a good mood before bringing up your suggestions.
You can also consult a doctor or an expert on how to approach your parents while minimizing emotional breakdown.
Loneliness and Isolation
Many parents spent their adult life raising their children and have gotten accustomed to feeling needed. Such a feeling makes them feel valuable.
However, as their children become adults and raise their own families, elderly parents feel less valued and insecure. It can be even more pronounced when they no longer have friends or a spouse to spend time with.
It can manifest as assertiveness on how to raise their grandchildren or constantly checking in on you through visits or phone calls. Many adult children find this annoying and frequently reject their elderly parents’ attention.
It can make the parents feel lonely and eventually isolate themselves. Such feelings of loneliness can make them more susceptible to health issues.
So if your elderly parents isolate themselves, you may need to step in and make them feel valued.
Quietness
In addition to isolation, some older adults may feel like they are becoming a burden to their children and end up reducing communication. They would often just respond when asked but avoid starting a conversation. They might even refuse to answer at times.
Such quietness can be alarming because many elderly people contemplate suicide, and some of them actually carry it out. As a result, approximately 20% of suicide cases in the US involve older adults.
So when your elderly parents suddenly become quiet, engage them in an interactive discussion. Ask them about happy or exciting memories in their youth and react positively to their stories. Such conversations can make them feel valued and appreciated.
2. Observe the Cleanliness of Their House
Not all elderly parents want to live with their adult children. Some prefer to enjoy their well-deserved retirement, free from the stress of raising more children. They just want to enjoy quality time and lazy afternoons with their neighbors and friends.
However, living apart from their children can present some challenges as the parents get older, especially when their bodies are not as healthy and flexible as before. A common change in behavior among elderly parents is the lack of interest in cleaning their homes.
Proper hygiene is important at any age in a person’s life, especially for older people who have a more sensitive immune system. Seasonal allergies can be dangerous for older adults because they can be unpleasant and sometimes even painful.
Even if your parents live alone and seem capable of taking care of themselves, it helps to drop by every once in a while and check in on them. They might have physical limitations preventing them from performing daily chores.
Minor interventions like mowing the lawn, replacing the light bulbs, or fixing the door knobs can help make them feel a little more comfortable. You can also install grab bars in the bathroom to help keep them safe.
You might want to check out the Moen Bathroom Grab Bar (available on Amazon.com). It is durable, rust-resistant, and ADA-approved. You can choose from various lengths, ranging from 18-48 inches (45.7-121.9 cm).
If you can’t visit them as frequently as you want due to work and other private matters, a good alternative is to hire a helper who can visit them and clean the house 2-3 times a week. Some people even hire an in-home helper.
However, you must meet and evaluate the help personally to ensure your parents are in good hands. It’s also crucial that your parents are open to having a stranger at home. If possible, hire someone familiar and trustworthy.
3. Ask Them About Their Hobbies
Every person has their own interests. After spending most of their lives working and raising kids, most elderly parents try to pursue their old hobbies or explore new ones. It’s an excellent way to spend their free time as certain hobbies can reduce the risk of memory-related conditions, such as dementia.
Ask your parents about their hobbies and check if they’re still active. You can also ask about or observe their progress. It will help them feel that you care. I’ve written about ways to prevent boredom in your elderly parents in another guide. You should read it. How to Keep Your Elderly Parents from Getting Bored
If you notice they’re losing interest in their hobbies, you can ask them why. However, avoid being too interrogative, as it might make them feel uncomfortable. You can also recommend other things they can try.
A sudden loss of interest in hobbies or social activities can be a sign that your parents need help. It can be even more alarming if the reason behind such disinterest is the loss of a friend.
Such an experience can make them feel the reality of death, and you will need to intervene to help them cope. Otherwise, they might feel lonely and start isolating themselves.
4. Observe Their Weight
Weight loss and weight gain among elderly parents can be equally alarming as they can present some behavioral or health issues. It can be risky to ignore such weight changes, especially when your parents are over 65 years old.
Weight Loss
Elderly people often have difficulty sleeping and poor appetites, eventually leading to weight loss. If your parents have a dramatic weight loss, you may need to pay more attention to their health. They might not have enough energy to prepare food, making them skip meals.
Another possibility is when they feel demotivated to do anything due to changes in their environment, such as the passing of a loved one or the onset of health issues.
Weight Gain
Alternatively, they might resort to ordering fast food and other unhealthy foods, as it can be more convenient than preparing their own meals. Consequently, they gain weight, putting them at risk of various obesity-related health issues, such as diabetes and hypertension.
Intervention
When visiting your parents, you can bring fruits, vegetables, and pre-cooked healthy meals that they can just reheat so they wouldn’t have to order fast food. If you plan to hire a helper, you can also prepare a menu with cooking instructions suited to your parents’ dietary requirements.
Humans are also likely to develop food sensitivities or allergies as we get older. It is due to a significant decrease in the production of enzymes that break down food and eliminate or neutralize allergens before they can initiate an adverse reaction in the body.
As a result, we may no longer be able to eat the same food we used to enjoy when we were younger. So, it helps to pay attention to your parents’ adverse reactions to food. However, many health professionals associate the symptoms with skin problems common among the elderly.
More importantly, if your elderly parents are unable to eat by themselves, you will need to assist them in ensuring they’re getting enough nutrition and avoiding the risk of choking. In severe cases, you may need to hire a professional caregiver or consider a nursing home where your parents can receive adequate care.
5. Pay Attention to Their Expenses
Although it can seem disrespectful, it’s essential to keep track of your elderly parents’ expenses. Older people tend to make poor financial decisions, which can also be an early sign of dementia or other cognitive disorders.
Many older adults show confidence and reliability in managing their finances. However, you might spot some unusual patterns that could warn you when it’s time to intervene. Pay attention to the following financial behaviors:
- Missing the deadlines for utility bills. While forgetfulness is an alarming sign, intentionally ignoring the bills can present more problems for your elderly parents. They might become stubborn and refuse to pay the bills, resulting in service disconnection, which can be more problematic to resolve.
- Splurging money on unnecessary stuff. Although it feels nice to spoil your elderly parents and allow them to enjoy their well-earned retirement money, you must make it a point not to let them go overboard so as to compromise their basic living needs.
- Lending money to random acquaintances. It may be admirable for older adults to help people in need. However, when done excessively, it can be a sign that they are a suitable target for financial scams. The aging population in the US makes it easier for fraudsters to steal money from unsuspecting elderly people who are often not well-versed in technology.
Talk to your parents about their finances, but consider their willingness to listen and openness for advice before initiating the discussion. Some older adults might feel defensive or easily offended and become stubborn.
Make them feel your pure intentions and ask them if they’re willing to let you manage only the amount necessary to pay their bills and health insurance or buy their food. Allow them to enjoy the rest of their money.
Carefully and politely negotiate how much money you’ll need to get from them monthly for their essentials and how much they will have left for leisure.
6. Check Their Medications
The sad thing about healthcare among elderly people is that many hospitals tend to dismiss and associate several conditions with old age, compelling the patients to just accept it and give up on seeking treatment or surgery.
Sometimes, older adults personally choose not to seek treatment anymore and just rely on maintenance medications because of the following reasons:
- Age-related complications
- Financial complications
- Discomfort and burden following a surgery
If your elderly parents choose to forego medical treatment and resort to palliative medications, be sure that they take their medicines on time. If you notice that they habitually skip their daily dose, it’s time to step in.
You can use medicine organizers like the AUVON Weekly Pill Organizer (available on Amazon.com). It has colorful lids that can help maintain your elderly parent’s cognitive ability. It’s also easy to open, reducing the risk of finger or nail injuries.
Such organizers can help you monitor whether or not your parents are taking their medicines religiously. It’ll also make it easier to give instructions to helpers or caregivers to check on your behalf.
Final Thoughts
Many elderly parents want to spend their retirement apart from their adult children. That way, they can enjoy their hobbies with their friends or cherish their alone time. However, you must check in on your parents to ensure they can still manage by themselves.
Some signs that can tell you it’s time to intervene include:
- Sudden behavioral changes
- Poor hygiene
- Loss of interest in hobbies
- Drastic changes in weight
- Poor financial decisions
- Skipping medications
If your elderly parents exhibit any of the signs above, talk to them or consult a professional on how to approach them.
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