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Moving an aging parent into your house involves more than simply having the space as it means carving out time to care for them while giving them freedom in their new space. That’s a lot to ask, and many people feel guilty if they can’t accommodate an elderly parent or don’t want to. Is it bad to want to keep things the way they are?
It’s not bad not to want an elderly parent to live with you because this entails daily life changes for everyone involved. However, if your parent needs help and you’re their best or only advocate, you’ll need to look closely at your options.
This article explores several key considerations you need to take before moving an older parent in with you, plus two alternative solutions if your home won’t work for them.
If They Move In With You
First, list your elderly parent’s personal, medical, and social needs. Because you’re incorporating another person’s daily experiences, take the time to make an exhaustive list of what they need that you might have to provide or assist with if they move in.
Time becomes important in particular because you need to adjust to new routines, traditions, and expectations.
If they have physical limitations that require specialized tools and aides, you will need to know who will provide these items. Even if they have insurance to cover monetary costs, you still might have to help them with things like using a medical device or sorting out their prescriptions.
Honest Discussions and Expectations
The discussions around big life changes require considerable patience and honesty. Trying to figure out how to care for someone later, on the fly, introduces much more stress and confusion than if you had an agreed-upon plan in place.
You’ll save yourself heaps of frustration and stress by having several distinct talks about what everyone expects. However, you likely won’t think of everything you want to say in one sitting.
This becomes even more important if roommates, significant others, or children occupy the home. Everyone will have their own needs and expectations, so evaluate everyone’s thoughts on the matter.
You’ll need to know whether they can care for themselves and how you fit into that equation. Discuss what—if anything—your parent would expect from you because needing a place to live differs from needing regular care and assistance.
If your parent can care for themself and comply with clear boundaries they have explicitly agreed to, then having them move in could work.
If you have no idea how to start the conversation with your parents, you should read my guide on the topic. I’ll give you a few tips to help you have a helpful conversation with your parents. How to Start Conversations With Your Elderly Parents
Tools and Aides
Maintaining a home for your parent means making reasonable accommodations for the tools and equipment needed to keep them safe. By looking closer at what your parent requires each day, you will get a clearer picture of what their daily life entails and if you can help.
The safety measures below won’t interfere with your daily life but they can improve your parent’s everyday life in several critical ways:
- To keep track of pills, pick something simple and effective. The Med-E-Lert Medication Dispenser (available on Amazon.com) is a good option. It lets you set auditory and visual alerts at your chosen times, so you don’t have to worry about forgetting to dispense medication. It can also house an entire month’s worth of meds, thanks to its generous 28-cell capacity.
- While your parent may already have a walker or wheelchair, they still risk falling out of bed. To keep that from happening, I recommend an adjustable bed rail that you can position on either side. The Medical King Bed Assist Rail (available on Amazon.com) has a mesh storage pouch on the outside and two legs for added support and standing assistance.
- For standing assistance and added fall prevention safety in the restroom consider Vive Toilet Safety Rails (available on Amazon.com). The highly popular and well-reviewed product sports adjustable rails, frames for full customization, and padded hand grips for comfort.
If your parent will be moving from a different location to come live with you, they’ll have to leave behind their familiar connections and learn new surroundings, needing you to guide them. And if you don’t have someone else to help you, you can burn out trying to take on all these duties by yourself.
For a more comprehensive guide on this, read this piece on considerations to bear in mind before welcoming your elderly parents to live with you.
Get Professional Assistance
So far, we have focused on your role in caring for your parent at home. However, if you aren’t sure you can provide what they need, search for professional caregivers who can do it. Perhaps a parent staying with you will seem less daunting if you don’t have to provide high-level care.
Figure out what their insurance coverage allows and the degree of in-home care required. Aging parents may not require a full-time caregiver if they only need occasional help. A home care specialist typically visits the residence, performs the necessary tasks, and leaves until the next time, minimally impacting your schedule and space.
Explore whether your parents can keep their current residence while receiving home care. This would let them keep their lifestyle intact and eliminate the need for moving and stressful relocation.
If living with you or staying at home isn’t an option, you can set them up in a place where they’ll have a home plus professional care.
I’ve also written a guide on how to convince your parents that they shouldn’t live alone. Read it for a few helpful tips. How to Tell an Elderly Parent That They Can’t Live Alone
Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing Homes Might Work Best
If your parent has already done the hard work of deciding they can live elsewhere, check out assisted living and skilled nursing facilities close to you. These establishments combine room and board with healthcare and community.
Assisted living facilities employ qualified professionals to help with daily tasks like getting dressed and eating, as well as tending to specific physical and mental needs. Residents can move around, attend social events and gatherings on-site, and come and go as they please.
A skilled nursing home is like an assisted living facility that provides more intensive healthcare. These homes exist primarily for elderly patients with specific health conditions that require full-time observation and treatment.
All this may seem overwhelming, so take time to thoroughly research your options online and in person. Touring a new environment helps reduce anxiety as your parent can familiarize themselves with the space and how they fit in.
Senior Services of America offers a complete guide for transitioning to assisted living here.
Conclusion
Don’t feel guilty for having strong emotions and even physical stress around such a weighty topic. By asking the right questions and listing what you and your parent need, you will give yourself a clearer picture of what to expect.
You can save time, stress, and complex conversations later by having calmer, simpler discussions now.
Fortunately, we live in a time of rapid medical innovation and expanding vocational options. We have more options than ever to give our folks a safe, caring environment—wherever that is.
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