Is It Your Responsibility To Take Care of Your Parents?


The words “aging parents” appeal to your emotions and sense of familial loyalty. But not all children have the same kind of relationship with their parents or have the necessary resources to look after them. You may wonder if taking care of your parents is your responsibility. 

Legally speaking, it is your responsibility to take care of your parents in some states of the US. In others, it may not be mandatory. Morally, however, children must take care of their parents or provide for their care when they cannot take care of themselves.

Given the legal and moral aspects, there is no straightforward answer to whether it is your responsibility to take care of your parents. In this article, we’ll look at these aspects in greater detail so you can better understand your responsibilities to your parents. 

Are You Legally Responsible for Your Elderly Parents?

Filial responsibility laws apply in more than half of US states. These laws protect the right of impoverished elderly parents to be taken care of by their adult children. 

According to law, adult children of elderly parents must meet the fundamental requirements of their care, including providing for their parents’ housing, clothing, food, and healthcare

These responsibilities vary from state to state depending on the following factors.

  • The living and financial circumstances of the adult child.
  • Duration for which the parent has been institutionalized (in case of living in a nursing home).
  • The age of the parent.

List of States With Filial Responsibility Laws

Here is the list of US states where filial responsibility laws are applicable

  • Alaska
  • California
  • Arkansas
  • Delaware
  • Connecticut
  • Idaho
  • Georgia
  • Indiana
  • Louisiana
  • Kentucky
  • Mississippi
  • Massachusetts
  • Nevada
  • Montana
  • New Jersey
  • North Dakota
  • North Carolina
  • Oregon
  • Ohio
  • Rhode Island
  • Pennsylvania
  • Tennessee
  • South Dakota
  • Vermont
  • Utah
  • West Virginia
  • Virginia

Some states previously on the list, such as New Hampshire and Iowa, have repealed the filial laws. 

How Filial Laws Vary From State to State

Different states have their filial responsibility laws. Here are a few examples of how the rules apply in different states:

  • The law in Georgia mandates that any child in a position to do so must provide financial assistance for a parent living in poverty. 
  • In Virginia, all children are legally liable for their parent’s medical expenses, including those associated with long-term care at a nursing facility. However, if the parent has been institutionalized for sixty months, you will no longer be legally obligated to pay for their long-term care costs.
  • The law in Massachusetts mandates that adult children with adequate resources maintain and support their parents, who became impoverished by no fault of their own. If the child fails to support their parents, they can be fined up to 200 dollars, a term of imprisonment of up to a year, or both.
  • In Connecticut, filial responsibility laws are applied to adults whose parents are under 65 years old and are typically centered around neglect rather than long-term care
  • The legislation in Tennessee permits nursing homes and other care institutions to file claims for compensation from liable parties for services provided to recipients. It is important to note that liable parties include the children, spouses, parents, and guardians of the person receiving medical treatment.
  • The adult child of a parent in Arkansas is required by law to care particularly for the mental health needs of the parent. However, this obligation is only recognized when the child has the financial resources necessary and the treatment in question is not covered by health insurance

Depending on where you’re residing in the US, you may or may not have the legal responsibility to look after your parents. But that doesn’t exempt you from your moral duty to do so, and that’s what we will look at next.

Taking Care of Your Parents Is Your Moral Duty

When your parents get old, it is time to support them in turn as a way to thank them for everything they have done for you. Caring for your elderly parents is your way of repaying your parents for all the care, love, and support they gave you during your childhood and your times of upbringing.

Considering your parent’s needs and tending to them is the ultimate act of love and devotion you can offer. 

Your elderly parents need to be treated with kindness and decency, especially as they become more vulnerable. Human beings need support as they age, and you’re in a position to do so for your parents. 

However, everyone has a different relationship with their parents, which limits the resources available to them. Check out my detailed guide on dealing with elderly parents who have become a burden for a more detailed overview. What to Do When Elderly Parents Become a Burden

People who have had difficult, complicated, or abusive relationships may have a different perspective on what care they can provide. Depending on the laws in your state, you may have to provide the bare minimum support but choose to stay low or have no contact with them.  

There are many ways in which you can care for your elderly parents, depending on what they need and what you’re able to give them. 

Tips To Care for Your Elderly Parents

Although becoming older is an unavoidable aspect of life, most of the time, we are unaware of the magnitude of the influence that it may have on our whole family until it happens. 

The needs of an aging parent alter with time. Even if they are in excellent health today, they may eventually need assistance from others. This may leave the children confused about what to do.

Following are some tips on taking care of your elderly parents. 

Talk To Your Parents About Expectations

Adapting to a new setting may be challenging; thus, if you plan to care for your parents at your house, you should do everything you can to prepare them for the transfer. 

Engage with them and have an honest conversation about what they expect from you and what you want from them. 

Ask them questions like 

  • Are they allowed to visit you or leave as they wish?   
  • Do they foresee needing your support with something significant like their health? 

Have these conversations before moving them in, so nothing comes as a surprise later, and the process becomes easier for everyone involved.

Manage Your Time and Schedule

Make sure that, while you get ready to welcome your parent(s) into your house, you don’t become oblivious to your other obligations and the things that are very important to you. If you have a family, schedule your time, so no one feels neglected.

If you are employed full-time, and your parents are home alone, ensure that someone is on hand in case they need help. Also, ensure your parents or the caregiver can get in touch with you in emergencies. 

Having an elder around all the time also makes it more likely for you to become burned out. Remember to spare yourself some time to unwind and be alone.

Take Extra Precautionary Measures 

Providing care for your elderly parents will mean you have to implement additional safety measures if they are moving in with you. 

  • Depending on the circumstances, you may need to rearrange the bedrooms for your parents to guarantee their safety. 
  • To reduce the risk of falling, you may provide them with a room that doesn’t require them to climb up the stairs.
  • You may also put night lights in low-visibility areas, place grab bars in bathrooms near showers, and eliminate any uneven surfaces. I recommend investing in these helpful Stainless Steel Bathroom Grab Bars from Amazon.com. These come in a range of sizes. Their sturdy grip can help to maintain stability.

You should also check out my article detailing how to make your kitchen safer for elderly people for more tips and ideas. 13 Ways to Make a Kitchen Safer for the Elderly

Check if They Need Help With Daily Chores

If your parents choose to stay in their own home and don’t move in with you, you may have an easier time catering to their needs, but there still will be some requirements for you to consider. 

It is essential to note the amount of assistance they need while you are around. You may have to accompany them to the grocery store and help them perform other daily activities. 

You may gauge the level of assistance your parents need by keeping track of their routine self-care tasks. Examples of such tasks that need your attention may include the following. 

  • Eating and drinking
  • Maintaining proper hygiene (e.g., showering and using the toilet)
  • Dressing
  • Mobility around the house and neighborhood

Determining what your parents can do independently will help you decide what kind of help they could use around the house. These needs will likely change over time, and keeping an eye on their mobility will help you understand when they need more assistance. 

Hire a Home Caregiver

Some older adults who have decided to age in place may only need assistance with a handful of day-to-day chores, such as getting dressed, taking a shower, or preparing meals. But some individuals may seek support 24 hours a day and need help with going to the toilet, drinking, and eating. 

If your aging parents require help with daily routine tasks, it is a primary indicator for you to consider getting home caregiver services. A home caregiver is also a great idea if you aren’t able to support your parents full-time because you can’t move back home or because you want to maintain low contact with your parents. 

There are certain things that you should consider when hiring a home caregiver so that you can better explain the unique needs of your aging parent. 

  • Your parent is sick and needs to visit the doctor frequently. They may need someone with a driving license as their primary caregiver. Also, consider if they have transportation or if you have to arrange one. 
  • Your parent has trouble walking or has another physical disability. If your parent(s) have trouble moving around, they will require the assistance of a physically strong carer. The carer needs to be able to move them from their bed to a wheelchair and carry them around the house if necessary. 
  • The level of housekeeping is required. Your parents may simply need someone to assist them with basic activities around the home, such as doing dishes. Alternatively,  they might require an individual to take care of all the household responsibilities, so you’ll have to get someone with the appropriate training, 
  • There’s a pet that your elderly parent needs help with. Because of certain health-related risks, such as allergies, it is crucial that home caregivers be informed about the presence of pets in the house. In addition, write down any instructions for the caregiver on caring for your pets.
  • They are looking for companionship. Home care may be a great approach to boost the social engagement of an elderly who maintains a high level of independence but suffers from feelings of loneliness. If you’re hiring someone for companionship, it is imperative to find a caregiver whose personality is compatible with your parents.
  • They require serious medical care. Regarding medical needs, home caregivers often lack the training to administer injections or treat major wounds. Consider home health care rather than home care for a parent who suffers from a chronic ailment or needs regular medical attention.

Check out my article on whether home caregivers can be independent contractors for additional information. Can a Home Caregiver Be an Independent Contractor?

Consider Moving Into Assisted Living

It may be difficult to suggest to your parents that they move into an assisted living facility

However, moving into an assisted living facility encourages older citizens to maintain their autonomy and provides them the independence they may have been seeking. 

According to research, older adults who are socially isolated may have a higher chance of getting dementia. In addition, a lack of stimulation in one’s surroundings may cause a reduction in brain volume in those parts of the brain that are responsible for thought and learning. 

Engaging in meaningful social interactions, exposing oneself to novel experiences, and being physically active are all effective strategies for delaying or halting mental decline. Living in an assisted living community can help the elderly socialize and make meaningful connections with others their age.

Assisted living is a great idea if your parents require round-the-clock attention and assistance that you can’t provide because of your responsibilities or relationship with them. 

Final Thoughts

More than half of the states in the US have filial laws that make adult children responsible for caring for their aging parents. The law may differ from state to state. Besides what the law dictates, children also have a moral duty toward their parents to tend to their needs. 

Having an open conversation about your expectations, taking safety measures, and providing help with daily activities are some ways to fulfill your parents’ caring needs. You may also hire a caregiver or offer assisted living.

tatorchip

Roger L. "Chip" Mitchell is the owner of Growing Gray USA. Having worked with seniors and their families for over a decade as the owner of ComForCare Home Care of Northwest Georgia, Chip is able to share his insights working with aging senior adults and their adult children who are now finding themselves in a new role as caregivers for their parents.

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