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In the life of a caregiver, frequent phone calls are minor annoyances that pile up into significant stress. These interruptions make it hard to focus at work, difficult to rest at home, and impossible to focus on your own hobbies. How can you handle constant calling in a way that shows compassion for yourself and your aging parent?
If an elderly parent calls you constantly, try creating a call schedule, building a predictable daily routine, or hiring someone to help you. No matter what the reason for calling is, these are simple steps you can take to ease the burden on yourself and offer support to your parent.
The rest of this article will offer suggestions to help you decrease the frequency of these phone calls and minimize the stress they put on you as a caregiver.
Why Is Your Senior Parent Calling So Often?
There are many reasons why your parent picks up the phone to reach you throughout the day. You may not be able to drill down to the exact cause, but here are a few practical reasons to consider when deciding what to do.
- Loneliness: Many seniors in our society feel disconnected from their friends and loved ones. They may have mobility issues that prevent them from going out into the world as much as they once did, and the phone becomes a lifeline for experiencing connection and community.
- Boredom: When he was younger, your dad probably had all sorts of things filling up his day – work, physical activities, appointments with friends, and other stimulating activities. As we age, the things that used to fill our schedules fade away, and picking up the phone gives us something to do for a moment.
- Fear: Losing the ability to care for yourself as you age can be scary. Your parent may feel unsafe in their environment and be looking to you to offer a source of comfort.
- Medical issues: Diseases like Alzheimer’s and dementia can cause forgetfulness and not knowing where you are in time and space. Your mom may have forgotten she just called or not understand that only five minutes have passed since the last call.
Strategies for Reducing the Number of Calls
Although you should call your parents regularly, in most cases, your parent is not trying to stress you out or make your day harder than it needs to be. In their minds, they have legitimate reasons for contacting you. Reducing those reasons can be a helpful tool in lessening the need to call. How Often Should You Call Your Elderly Parents?
Decreasing stress and anxiety can be vital in slowing down those phone calls. Here are some ways you reassure your parent and add some structure to the day:
Create a Call Schedule
Your parent might be less likely to pick up the phone if they know they can count on hearing from you today. It will give Dad something to look forward to, and you can encourage him to write down everything he wants to tell you throughout the day in preparation for your call.
Start with a relatively laid-back schedule, such as one scheduled call a day, and add more if you don’t get the desired result. Be as specific as possible – promising to call at 7:30 PM will work better than saying you’ll phone after dinner.
Develop a Daily Routine
Knowing the day will follow a predictable pattern can help create a sense of calm. Scheduling the whole day can work with your call schedule so Mom isn’t just looking at the clock waiting for your call. She can settle into a routine of eating breakfast, getting dressed, walking around the block, and then talking to you on the phone.
For seniors experiencing short-term memory loss or early dementia, invest in memory aids that’ll help keep them on track. And don’t just go the simple Post-It route, either.
Instead, choose something like this ARCOBIS Refrigerator Whiteboard Calendar (available on Amazon.com). It’s easier to keep up with than Post-It notes and has the added benefit of being erasable and reusable.
That way, Mom doesn’t have to keep the whole schedule in her head and might check the calendar first before calling you.
Ensure a Safe Living Environment
Not feeling as strong and capable as they once did can cause a sense of fear in seniors. Taking steps to make them feel safe at home can go a long way toward easing their worries, and knowing they’re safe can help you resist the urge to pick up the phone.
Offer them mobility aids that will limit the risk of falls and other injuries.
Handrails in the shower, like these AquaChase Shower Grab Bars (available on Amazon.com), are easy to install and can create peace of mind about being alone in a slippery environment. A walker, like this Stander Fold-N-Go Lightweight Walker (available on Amazon.com), can provide simple support while walking and a place to sit down if your parent gets worn out. Plus, it has wheels on the front, which will make movement easier for them.
I also recommend reading my guide where I discuss the signs that indicate it’s time to get a walker for your parent. 13 Signs It’s Time for the Elderly to Use a Walker
Hire a Caregiver
If it’s in your budget, having someone at home with your mom or dad can offer support both for your parent and you. A caregiver can help your elder stick with the daily routine and call schedule, can drive them around to reduce loneliness and boredom, and is ready to alert you if any severe problems arise.
Making a confident choice about who to bring into your parent’s life can be a challenge, so ask for recommendations from friends and professionals and do your research. You could start with this informative article from Harvard Health Publishing to help you.
Strategies for Caregiver Self-Care
Frequent phone calls and all the other challenges of caring for a beloved parent may be problems that take time and energy you don’t feel like you have. Be patient with yourself, and offer yourself compassion when every concern isn’t instantly resolved.
In the meantime, try a few of the following to help keep your sanity during the tough times.
- Let it go to voicemail. Not every call is urgent, as you already know. If you know your parent is safe, let the conversation wait until a less stressful time. Hearing the answering message may discourage a string of repeated calls.
- Set boundaries. Let Dad know in advance when you’ll be able to give him your full attention, and then stick to it. Turning your phone off is okay when you’ve said you wouldn’t be available.
- Ask for help. Many caregivers feel like they have to go it alone. Are there other family members, friends, or professionals who can support you? Maybe your sister can commit to the morning phone call, and you’ll take the evening. You don’t have to do it all yourself.
- Prioritize yourself when you can. Maybe you need a walk through the woods listening to your favorite songs, a delicious ice cream sundae, or a chance to read a fantastic book. If you never care for yourself, you risk burnout, making you less effective at caring for others, so take little pockets of time to give yourself treats that soothe your soul.
Conclusion
The stress of frequent phone calls from an elder parent may not disappear overnight, but there are steps you can take right away to decrease the phoning and make them easier on you. Remember, they aren’t trying to make you crazy. Your parent wants to stay connected to you and may think you enjoy the conversations as much as they do.
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