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Sometimes elderly parents can’t seem to get along. As their child, this can be difficult to watch, and it’s understandable to want to try and mediate. Yet what can you do?
When elderly parents don’t get along, try encouraging them to spend time together doing activities they enjoy. This can help them bond and build positive memories together. Also, try not to take sides when arguments arise but help them see both perspectives and come to a resolution.
Read on for other things you may do to help your parents get along better and enjoy their golden years together.
9 Things To Do When Your Elderly Parents Don’t Get Along
What do you do when your elderly parents start to get on each other’s nerves? It can be challenging to navigate, but with patience and creativity, you can hopefully help them get along. Here are a few tips to help get you started:
Try To Understand Why They Behave the Way They Do
If your elderly parents don’t get along, it can be tough to know what to do. You might feel like you’re caught in the middle or like you have to choose sides. But before you do anything, it’s essential to understand why they behave the way they do.
It could be that they’re each trying to assert their independence or struggling to come to terms with their mortality. Whatever the reason, understanding their motivations can help you to find a way to resolve the situation. What to Do When an Elderly Parent Gives Up on Life
If your parents are constantly arguing, try sitting down with them and asking them to explain their side of the story. You might be surprised at how much progress you can make simply by listening.
Talk to Each Parent Separately
You’re not alone if you’ve found yourself caught in the middle of your parents’ arguments. It’s a common problem for adult children of divorced or estranged parents. And it can be tricky to know how to handle the situation.
Talk to each parent about their concerns individually, and make sure they hear you out. If they’re both willing to listen, they may be able to work out their differences. But even if they’re not, at least you’ll better understand each of their perspectives. And that can be helpful in its way.
Don’t Take Sides
It’s tough enough being a middle-aged adult without dealing with the added stress of your elderly parents not getting along. Whether they’re bickering over finances or complaining about each other’s health, it can be hard to know what to do. The most important thing is not to take sides.
This may seem obvious, but it’s often easier said than done. Remember that your parents are going through many changes, and they’re each handling it in their own way. If you stay calm and act as a mediator, you’ll be doing everyone a favor. Yet, keep in mind that a successful mediator must maintain impartiality.
Encourage Them To Spend Time Together Doing Activities They Both Enjoy
This will give them a chance to reconnect and remember all the things they have in common. It’s also an excellent opportunity to catch up on your hobbies or take a break from playing mediator. So, the next time your parents are hissing at each other, suggest they take a trip down memory lane with a game of cards or Scrabble. Who knows, they may end up being best friends again.
Ask Questions
If you’ve ever had to deal with arguing elderly parents, then you know it can be a real headache. But there’s no need to pull your hair out just yet. Instead of getting caught in the middle, try asking questions. This can help you get to the root of the problem and figure out a solution that works for everyone.
For example, if your parents are arguing about where to live, you could ask them about their ideal living situation. Or, if they’re arguing about money, you could ask them how they would like to spend their retirement years. By asking questions, you can help your elderly parents find common ground and reach an agreement that works for everyone.
Seek Professional Help From Caregivers
It may be time to seek professional help if your elderly parents can’t seem to get along. After all, you can’t be expected to play the mediator 24/7. Caregivers can provide much-needed assistance with daily living activities and can also help diffuse tense situations.
In addition, caregivers can offer valuable insights into how to best deal with difficult situations. If your parents are resistant to the idea of outside help, try to frame it in terms of giving you a break.
Explain that you need some time to take care of yourself and that having a caregiver come in a few hours a week will enable you to do just that. With any luck, your parents will see the logic in your argument and agree to give professional help a try.
Furthermore, caregivers can aid your elderly parents in using home safety equipment such as grab bars or walkers, such as the Drive Medical 4-Wheel Rollator Walker With Seat (available on Amazon.com). This walker is great for outdoor use and includes a removable support bar and a storage pouch under the seat.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open and Let Them Know You’re Always Available To Talk
Let your parents know you’re always available to talk and encourage them to express their grievances to you instead of bottling them up. You might not be able to solve all of their problems, but just being a good listener can go a long way.
Take a Break if Things Get Too Heated or Overwhelming
If you’re caught in the middle of a disagreement between your elderly parents, it can be tough to know what to do. If things start to get heated, it’s essential to take a step back and let them cool off.
Sometimes, it’s best just to let them hash it out themselves. But other times, you may need to step in and mediate. If tensions are high, bringing in a third party might be helpful, like a family friend or another relative. Whatever you do, try not to take sides or make judgments.
Take Care of Yourself in All of This
It’s important to remember that you can’t control how your parents interact with each other. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Make sure to stay healthy and take some time for yourself. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
In this situation, it’s also important to communicate honestly with your parents. Let them know how their conflict affects you and give them gentle suggestions for resolving it. Ultimately, you have to accept that they are two independent people who will have to find their way forward.
I also recommend reading my guide on moving away from elderly parents, where I’ll share a few strategies to help you feel less guilty. Is It Okay To Move Away From Elderly Parents?
Wrap Up
When elderly parents don’t get along, it can be a trying time for all family members. The key to maintaining peace in the home is understanding why they’re behaving the way they are and then mediating between them. You may also want to encourage them to spend time together doing activities they enjoy.
If things still don’t improve, you may need to seek outside help from caregivers. No matter what you do, keep the lines of communication open and let them know you’re always available to talk.
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