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It’s natural to worry about your aging parents. After all, they’re at that stage of life when they need you more than ever, and you want to be there for them as much as possible. However, it’s likely that more often than you would like, your parents react toward you in a way that leaves you feeling discouraged and irritated.
Elderly parents annoy you because their physical and cognitive abilities are declining, and they do not necessarily know their behavior is hurting you. Their unruly behavior is an attempt to hold onto a life that is slipping away, and the irritation you feel is an unintended consequence.
This article will cover four reasons your parents annoy you, so keep reading to know more.
Reasons Your Parents Annoy and Irritate You
Sometimes your aging mom and dad can drive you crazy. Browse forums, listen to experts, or speak with someone who has been in the same shoes as you; everyone will agree that, at times, it can be quite a task to look after older parents.
There can be multiple reasons behind that, such as:
1. Lack of Physical or Mental Energy
Do your parents refuse to take care of personal hygiene even after multiple reminders? Do they keep postponing everything to a later time?
It can be demoralizing to find yourself in such situations, to have your well-meaning concerns dismissed. Yet, as hard as it may be to believe, almost always, such behavior has nothing to do with you.
Your parents may not want to maintain personal hygiene because of any of the following reasons:
- Depression
- Declining sense of smell and sight
- Loss of memory
- Fear and pain
You are not wrong for expecting your mom and dad to do basic tasks like changing clothes and taking a shower. You are coming from a place of concern.
However, when senior adults suffer from one or more of the above conditions, they lack the physical and mental energy needed to do the chores. Thus, they put it off as long as possible.
2. Desire To Feel Independent
On the other hand, some people do not have any of the conditions mentioned above and still neither do the chores nor let others help them. Do your parents belong to this category?
As mentioned earlier, senior adults see a decline in their cognitive and physical abilities with time. Your mom may have remembered the birthday of every family member in her day but now struggles to remember what day it is. You might have seen your dad working round the clock, but now he cannot go for a walk without feeling tired.
It can be a scary realization for anyone that their body and mind are failing them. Most people struggle to come to terms with it. So, they insist on living alone or doing things themselves even when they know they should seek help or avoid doing anything that reminds them of their diminishing abilities. Why Do Elderly People Want To Live Alone? 5 Reasons
Your parents might rebuff your offer to help because they think you feel they are not competent. If you are too quick to offer help, maybe give your parents space and comfort to come to you when they really need your assistance.
3. Consequences of Mental Illness
Aging and illness can make your parents’ longstanding personality traits more severe. For example, your mom might always have been easily irritable, and you might have gotten used to that over the years. However, in her senior years, her outbursts may become more frequent and her reactions more abrasive, leaving you angry and frustrated. Sometimes, she may even act like a child and throw tantrums. Why Do Elderly Parents Sometimes Behave Like Children?
But what if your parents used to be mild-mannered and well-behaved, and their unruly behavior is out of character?
If that is the case, and their situation worsens with time, it might be a sign of mental illness, such as:
- Alzheimer’s
- Dementia
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Old age is a time fraught with changes, and most are not pleasant for elderly individuals or those around them. These changes can show in one or more of the following ways:
- Lashing out at the caregiver
- Cursing and offensive language
- Emotional or physical abuse
- Humiliating behavior in public or private
- Paranoia, hallucinations, and delusion
It can be challenging to see your parents suffering. It can be even more difficult to remind yourself that their appalling behavior is not about you and to not take it personally.
4. Sometimes It Is Not About Them
Sometimes when you feel annoyed with your parents, probably it is not because of them, but something else.
According to this PsychCentral article, as an adult child of aging parents, you are likely to experience these three emotions:
- Sadness
- Anger and frustration
- Guilt
Watching your parents become frail and less functional with age can be heartbreaking, especially when you have seen them all your life as self-dependent individuals capable of handling everything life throws at them. It can be a cause of intense sadness.
Your parents’ deteriorating physical and mental condition means the relationship you share with them will change with time. Some of you may be a part of their caregiving, and a few might even be the sole caregiver.
Transitioning from a child to a carer is a huge change. This can sometimes seem like an added and perhaps unwelcome responsibility that interferes with your life. It can make you angry and frustrated at first and leave you feeling guilty for your reaction later.
If you are not involved in the day-to-day caring process of your parents, your frustration may stem from the fact that you cannot be there for them when they need you. In turn, it can be the reason behind your remorse.
So, the next time you feel annoyed with your parents, take a moment to consider if they are the actual reason for your annoyance or if it is the situation.
Final Thoughts
As your mom and dad age, their cognitive and physical capabilities decline. Also, they may be battling complications that come with old age, such as dementia, paranoia, etc. Because of these reasons, your parents might be acting in a way that annoys you.
However, it is also possible that your irritation is not because of your parents but due to the circumstances.
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