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As our parents grow older, they tend to change, often becoming softer and needier of our attention and care. While some changes are easy to handle, some require your intervention as a child, especially if you want your beloved parents to enjoy their golden years. So what are some of the reasons why parents change as they grow older?
Parents change as they get older due to frustrations over the mismatch between their expectations and values, loss of financial independence, and social isolation. They also change because of poor health, loss of importance in the home due to role reversal, and loss of purpose in life.
This article will explore some of the reasons parents change in detail. Sometimes the change may have a single cause. Other times, it may be due to multiple reasons.
1. A Mismatch Between Expectations and Values
During their heydays, our parents probably had a list of how they expected their sunset years to be. For instance, my mother thought she’d be free to travel the world when she was done raising us. Sadly, it didn’t happen, and it crushed her.
On some occasions, parents tend to have high expectations, especially about their lives after active parenting. For example, some assume their children will be their caregivers in old age.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t usually happen because most working children or those with families may not have the time or resources to become full-time caregivers. The disappointment can be a source of sadness and strain in relations between aging parents and their children.
If your work, school, or general life obligations interfere with your ability to care for your parents, you can always hire a caregiver or consider assisted living programs. Whatever option you prefer, it’s best to avoid imposing decisions on your parents, especially if they’re reluctant to change.
Instead, you should try to involve them in the decision-making process and show them the benefits of your proposed idea.
2. Poor Health
Many parents also change when they get older as their health deteriorates. Chronic pain can affect anyone’s mood, but the challenge with old age is there is so much changing in terms of physical and mental ability, which eventually catches up even with the most optimistic of seniors.
And as seniors come to terms with the fact that they’ll have to contend with recurring health issues, most tend to sink into depression or develop negative perspectives toward aging.
When your parents feel overwhelmed by the pain and burden of age-related illnesses, they are likely to change. They may not be as warm as they used to be, and sometimes, they may even transfer their frustration to you.
The best way to handle your parents’ deteriorating health is to offer both emotional and physical support. For instance, you can get the Drive Medical Wheel Rollator Walker (available on Amazon.com) to help your senior parents move around better. The walker has a seat that allows your beloved dad or mum to rest when they get tired.
It is sturdy, durable, and has adjustable handles. The wheels can be locked when your elderly parents are taking a rest. The foldable features make storage easier because it doesn’t take up much space.
Pro tip: It’s best to be patient with your parents as they transition from canes to assisted walkers like the above product. Most seniors are usually in denial and will often resist change, especially if it alludes to a reduction in physical ability.
3. Loss of Financial Independence
Approximately 40% of older American retirees rely solely on social security for their basic needs. Unfortunately, most retirees cannot survive on their social security alone and often require their children to chip in for regular sustenance.
Loss of financial independence will make anyone edgy, which is no different for your elderly parents. Now they must be frugal and ask for money when in need. Some do not take this change well and are likely to become withdrawn, if not miserable and depressed.
Unfortunately, this may cause a change in them, especially when they feel you should support them financially before they ask for help. If an emergency messes up your financial plans, your parents assume you are tired of the responsibility, causing deeper rifts between parents and children.
One way to avoid finance-related issues with your senior parents is to set a monthly budget for their needs. As your parents notice your commitment towards their welfare, they’re likely to become more understanding and accommodating of your personal needs.
4. Social Isolation
Although death is unpredictable, older people tend to face it more because the people in their circle die of age-related illnesses. It may be the loss of siblings, other older relatives, friends, or even neighbors, which tends to bring the reality of death even closer, eventually leading to social isolation.
The more they lose their friends and family, the more socially isolated seniors become.
Some elderly parents start worrying about their life. They become quieter as they reflect on their mortality, with some wondering how much longer they have to be with their family. Some still worry about their children and how they’ll cope without them.
To help cope with your parents’ social isolation, it’s best to plan for regular trips, whether at home or in assisted living homes. Tagging your children along will ensure grandma and grandpa feel important and cared for.
5. Role Reversal
Role reversal is probably one of the toughest issues between elderly parents and caregivers. I have been my parents’ caregiver for years, but due to work commitments, I found it best to seek external assistance in the form of a retirement community a couple of years back.
It is only half an hour’s drive from my home, but getting my folks to accept that they needed additional care proved difficult. They felt I was abandoning them, yet I couldn’t find more time to be as present as they needed me to be.
If you don’t fancy enrolling your senior parents in an assisted living program, you can choose to hire a caregiver to help provide additional care. When choosing caregivers, it’s best to conduct thorough evaluations to determine the candidate’s ability to provide the best possible care for your beloved folks.
6. Loss of Purpose in Life
When you ask an older person about their purpose in life, most are likely to point out they have achieved it. They have probably traveled the world, raised their children to be independent adults, or reached the peak of their careers, and they have nothing else to accomplish.
Without drive and goals, it almost feels like they are a shadow of who they once were. Unfortunately, some parents get angry at missed opportunities, while others live with regret because time is no longer on their side. These mixed feelings, if not adequately addressed, often lead to a personality change and increased risks of depression.
One way to deal with your parents’ apparent lack of drive and determination is to involve them in your life. Invite them to their grandchildren’s local tournaments and even take them out for those calming evening walks when you get the time.
Your elderly parents may sometimes behave like children. In most cases, that’s because of age regression. Click on the link to learn more about why they experience age regression and what kinds of behaviors they may exhibit. Why Do Elderly Parents Sometimes Behave Like Children?
Conclusion
As they grow older, parents are hit with so many changes. Sometimes it happens simultaneously, and it is not easy for seniors to adjust to these changes, which sometimes feel like they occur overnight.
Sometimes, it feels like they are losing who they are, and now they don’t know what to do with this new person.
The best way to deal with changes is to practice patience and try to be as accommodating as possible. Remember, your now needy parent was once your pillar of strength, so why not give them the best support in their golden years?
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