Should You Walk Away From an Elderly Parent?

As we reach a certain age, our bones start growing weary, our skin starts wrinkling, and several organs in our body tend to wear out as well. Old age catches up with everyone at one point. However, it catches up with our parents before it catches up with us.

You shouldn't walk away from your aged parents because they cannot function properly, both physically and mentally, on their own. This means they could be a danger to themselves or even other people. Furthermore, they may need help with medical expenses.

Additionally, if you walk away from your elderly parents, your own children may think it's okay to do the same to you when it's your turn to need help. Keep reading to learn more about why you should stick it out with your parents, even when it's hard.

Why You Shouldn't Abandon Your Elderly Parents

Dealing with an elderly parent can be an expensive and exhausting task. However, even though it gets hard, you shouldn't walk away from them. Let's look at some of the reasons why.

Your Parents Cannot Function on Their Own Properly

As your parents grow older and weaker, they need assistance to perform daily activities, including:

• Walking to the bathroom
• Eating and drinking
• Changing clothes
• Communicating their needs

Hence, they need someone to help them perform the simplest chores.

If they try to do these chores on their own, it might endanger their lives. Having you around to help them can be the one thing that keeps them safe.

They Need Help Making Decisions

Most aged people lose their senses and the ability to make reasonable decisions. Their decisions can be easily manipulated and taken advantage of. Seemingly small lapses in memory, such as not taking their medicines, can lead to catastrophic consequences.

Furthermore, if they fall victim to a scam, they could even sell off their property or assets to someone else. Hence, it would be ideal if you or any of your siblings were present to assist them in making decisions.

They Can Be a Danger to Themselves and Others

Even without meaning to be, the elderly can become their own worst enemies.

Forgetting to turn off the stove or a bathroom heater could lead to house fires. Leaving the doors unlocked could be an invitation for intruders who mean them harm.

Furthermore, some elderly parents refuse to give up their car keys. This can put other people in danger, as well. Furthermore, when elderly people have car crashes, they're much more likely to be fatal than when younger people have them.

They Might Need Help Bearing Medical Expenses

Medical bills can be quite hefty. Some older people might need expensive treatments such as chemotherapy, surgeries, dialysis, ventilation, etc. Your parents' funds or pension might not be enough to bear their medical expenses. Hence, a small share from you can perhaps help them live their final years in comfort.

Your Kids Will Take This as a Learning Lesson

Parents are children's role models. You might have seen your kids adopt your habits or even the way you talk, sit, or act. Your children are keenly observing everything that you do, which gets stored in their subconscious. Seeing you love and take care of your elderly parents will teach your kids to look after you with the same devotion when you get old.

Reasons You Might Want to Abandon Your Aging Parents

Elderly parents might face several issues and diseases due to aging. These issues may become a source of frequent arguments. Hence, many individuals might find it challenging to care for their elderly parents while managing a household and their own families.

Some of the most trying issues are listed below.

Deteriorating Mental Health

As humans get older and weaker, they find it hard to remember things as well as they used to. In a healthy, elderly individual, this usually consists of forgetting where they put their belongings or mixing up names and stories.

However, some individuals may suffer from degenerative mental health diseases such as dementia or Alzheimer's disease. These diseases might be dangerous, especially for parents that drive or cook, as they may forget how to get back home or leave the stove on.

Behavioral Changes

Aging is a painful process for all of us. As a result, some individuals become cranky, short-tempered, and demanding as they age. This change in personality can make it challenging for adult children to deal with their parents, especially if they were once patient and gentle.

Physical Demands

Some elderly parents might need 24/7 physical care. They might need help bathing, dressing, eating, and using the bathroom. This can be physically and emotionally exhausting for the caregiver.

Financial Burden

Caring for elderly parents can be expensive. Medical bills, special equipment, home modifications, and lost work income can create significant financial stress.

Relationship Strain

Sometimes caring for parents creates tension in your own family. Your spouse or children may feel neglected, or there may be disagreements with siblings about care responsibilities.

When Walking Away Might Be Necessary

While abandoning elderly parents is generally not advisable, there are extreme circumstances where creating distance might be necessary:

Abuse

If your elderly parent is physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive to you or your children, your safety and your family's safety must come first. You can arrange for their care through professional services while maintaining boundaries.

Substance Abuse

If your parent has an untreated substance abuse problem that makes care impossible or dangerous, professional intervention may be needed.

Severe Mental Illness

Some mental health conditions may make it impossible for you to provide safe care, and professional facilities may be the better option.

Alternatives to Walking Away

If you're feeling overwhelmed but don't want to abandon your parents, consider these alternatives:

Professional Help

Hire in-home caregivers to share the load. Even part-time help can make a significant difference.

Assisted Living or Nursing Home

Facilities are designed to provide the care your parents need while relieving you of the 24/7 responsibility.

Adult Day Programs

These provide care and socialization during the day, allowing you to work or rest.

Respite Care

Short-term care that allows you to take breaks, travel, or simply rest and recharge.

Family Mediation

If relationships are strained, a professional mediator can help improve communication.

Support Groups

Connecting with other caregivers can provide emotional support and practical advice.

Counseling

Individual or family therapy can help manage the emotional challenges of caregiving.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

You can care for your parents without sacrificing your entire life:

• Define what you can and cannot do realistically
• Communicate your limits clearly and kindly
• Involve other family members in care responsibilities
• Take regular breaks and prioritize self-care
• Don't feel guilty about needing time for yourself and your family

Final Thoughts

Walking away from elderly parents should be a last resort, not a first response. While the challenges are real and significant, abandoning parents who raised and cared for you is a decision that can bring lasting regret.

Before considering walking away, exhaust all other options. Seek professional help, explore care facilities, set boundaries, and build a support network. Remember that you can ensure your parents receive proper care without providing all of it yourself.

If you do reach a point where you must step back, do so thoughtfully. Arrange for their care through other means rather than simply disappearing. And know that even with distance, you can still love and support your parents in ways that protect your own well-being.

The goal is to find a balance where your parents are safe and cared for, and you can maintain your health, relationships, and quality of life.

About Chip Mitchell

Chip Mitchell is the founder of Growing Gray USA. With over a decade of experience owning a home care company, he has helped hundreds of families navigate the complexities of caring for aging parents.